It’s really painful to feel as though you don’t belong..

What does it really mean to Feel at Home? I've wondered this for years...

Is it internal or external? Is it tangible or emotional? It is a feeling or a sense? Is it a state, or a place? These are questions I’ve asked myself for as long as I can remember – because most of my life I did not feel these things. This sense of belonging, this feeling of contentment and peace. In so many ways, I have felt like a fish out of water. It was never tangible, I could never quite catch it, hold onto it, or see it clearly enough to grab hold. But it was always there. It was like an itch that I couldn’t find and could never quite put my finger on its’ source. It was a feeling of an ever-growing void, a something missing.. This missing  je-ne-sais-quoi became like a big pink elephant in the center of my life…

Feeling at home is something I've thought about a lot in my life, and have come to know after years of struggle and strife - that for me, it is both a place within myself, and yet also a place unto itself.

We need to feel at home within ourselves, but we also need to feel at home in our lives. It's taken me so long to realize that I had been living without both of these places for so long for I didn’t know how hard life had become until it wasn’t hard anymore.

For me, the journey of self-discovery – or rather of remembering self - was the biggest catalyst to this feeling of peace. My emotional and spiritual journey, my connection to the Universe, the earth, and to the divine source of light and love and everything infinite that flows through me.

For me, acknowledging my creative essence as a soul - both in a literal and energetic sense - allowed to be connect with the infinite possibilities that flow through me everyday. Harnessing this power, and seeing myself, the world and life from this place was the key the greatest sense of belonging I could ever have imagined. And it’s a connection that is dearest to my heart, and which I nourish in my life, every day. It’s felt like the biggest miracle to know that everything in the Universe also exists within me, and I have a choice to connect to this every day. It is the greatest gift in this life.

And then the second piece – FEELING AT HOME IN MY LIFE AS A WHOLE

For the entirety of my life I never felt at home here I’ve lived. I have been blessed to be born in, and live in an abundant country, in a family that had many comforts, and had all my material needs met. For years I felt guilt about the privilege of growing up in a place in the world where I had so much, and felt like an ungrateful terrible person for not being happy where I was.. judging myself for having all that I had and yet still wanting more. 

I spent the majority of my adult life not being content with how and where I lived my live, but stayed there out of guilt and shame.

The place where the above photo were taken is the place my heart feels at home. I've loved this place since the first time my feet hit the ground here over 15 years ago. I feel this inexplicable sense of home when I breathe in the air – even when I was just a twenty-something and had no idea who I truly was…

It is so much more than a place. It's a feeling. That last puzzle piece that brings things into clarity. That feeling of belonging.

Within all the truly extraordinary time the last year, I found myself asking a different question this time: If I’m going to have to be stuck somewhere, then is where I am now the place I want to be stuck?

And the answer, was an unequivocal NO.

So, we’ve decided to make BIG changes. We sold our house. Bought a place way out of the city on the water, that we’re going to make beautiful and then turn into a rental property, as we transition to our New Life on the Riviera over the next year or two.

I tell you this because I struggled for over a decade to give myself permission to do what my heart was calling me to do. I tormented myself with guilt and shame about the callings of my heart, and stagnated my life in all areas. 

..AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO WASTE A DECADE..  or a year, or a month, or one more day disregarding the callings of your heart. Because life is too short, and our dreams are SO big, and our power is SO great, and the life that is waiting is so magnificent – that it just has to start Today.

Here’s to stop living on the edge of life, but instead..



Until next time, Sweet Friends..
With Love, Gratitude & Sparkles,