It’s painful to feel as though you don’t belong

What does it really mean to Feel at Home? I've wondered this for years...

Is it internal or external? Is it tangible or emotional? It is a feeling or a sense? Is it a state, or a place? These are questions I’ve asked myself for as long as I can remember – because most of my life I did not feel these things. This sense of belonging, this feeling of contentment and peace. In so many ways, I have felt like a fish out of water. It was never tangible, I could never quite catch it, hold onto it, or see it clearly enough to grab hold. But it was always there. It was like an itch that I couldn’t find and could never quite put my finger on its’ source. It was a feeling of an ever-growing void, a something missing.. This missing  je-ne-sais-quoi became like a big pink elephant in the center of my life…

Feeling at home is something I've thought about a lot in my life, and have come to know after years of struggle and strife - that for me, it is both a place within myself, and yet also a place unto itself.

We need to feel at home within ourselves, but we also need to feel at home in our lives. It's taken me so long to realize that I had been living without both of these places for so long for I didn’t know how hard life had become until it wasn’t hard anymore.

I believe that the first piece is FEELING AT HOME WITHIN OURSELVES

For me, the journey of self-discovery – or rather of self-remembering - has the biggest catalyst to cultivating a greater feeling of peace. My emotional and spiritual journey, my connection to the Universe, the earth, and to the divine source of light and love and everything infinite that flows through me.

For me, acknowledging my creative essence as a soul - both in a literal and energetic sense - allowed to be connect with the infinite possibilities that flow through me everyday. Harnessing this power, and seeing myself, the world and life through this lens was the key the greatest sense of belonging I could ever have imagined. And it’s a connection that is dearest to my heart, and which I nourish in my life, every day. It has felt like the biggest miracle to know that everything in the Universe also exists within me, and I have a choice to connect to this every day. It is the greatest gift in this life.

And the second piece – FEELING AT HOME IN MY LIFE AS A WHOLE

For the entirety of my life I never felt at home where I’ve lived. I have been blessed to be born in, and live in an beautiful and abundant country, in a family that has many comforts, and have always had all my material needs met. For years I felt guilt about the privilege of growing up in a place in the world where I had so much, and felt like an ungrateful person for not being happy where I was.. judging myself for having all that I had and yet still not feeling happy.

Within all the truly extraordinary time the last year, I found myself asking a different question this time: If I’m going to have to be stuck somewhere, then is where I am now the place I want to be stuck? And the answer, was an unequivocal NO.

The place where the above photo were taken is a place I really feel at home. I've loved this place since my feet first hit the ground here over 15 years ago. I feel this inexplicable something there I cannot describe – even when I was just a wee-twenty-something and had no idea what I wanted or who I truly was…

It is so much more than a place. It's a feeling.

So, we’ve decided to make BIG changes. We sold our house. Bought a place way out of the city on the water, as we transition over the next year into a bi-coastal life between our new peaceful waterfront property in rural Ontario, and a life in the south of France.

I struggled for many years to give myself permission to do what my heart was calling me to do.

..And I don't you to struggle for years or a months, or even one more day disregarding the callings of your heart. Because life is too short, and our dreams are SO big, and our power is SO great, and the life that is waiting is so magnificent – that it just has to start Today.

Here’s to stop living on the edge of life, but instead..


Until next time, Sweet Friends..
With Love, Gratitude & Sparkles,